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[18 Oct 2009|03:04pm] |
But i know who i am today, because i knew you...
a) i really want to see wicked
b) round one and only round of midterms are done. yippeee. i think i did well in them.
c) college is almost done :(
d) the state of the economy does not scare me
e) i wish i didn't miss devon so much
f) can't wait for thanksgiving so i can make peach cobbler
g) this low carb no carb diet makes me sleepy
h) i don't like how it was hot yesterday and super cold today
i) i want to sip hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps and have grendel sit on my lap
j) if a cow laughs does milk come out of its nose?
k) will i ever be able to sustain a normal relationship?
l) common consensus to the question above, be happy with yourself first
m) ... but i am 90% happy with myself
n) thus i blame it on my emotionally constipated father
o) my gsi is hot
p) i need a camera
q) i need money to get a tattoo
r) i want a cupcake inside my lip
s) and the northwest coordinates of huntington beach
t) i know more about what i want to do with myself in the next 10 years than any of my peers, that's pretty scary
u) black people in class are so cool
v) i need to watch more movies, but where to start?
w) i want to go to boiling crab already
x) i am convinced that overcame autism and need a lifetime movie
y) feminists are annoying
z) i am in love with people who enable me
...i've been changed for the better
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[05 Oct 2009|08:16am] |
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it's already the best year ever.
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| My Once a Year Post |
[14 Aug 2009|09:28am] |
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music |
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Owl City - The Saltwater Room |
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Another year of my life heading to a close since I count years by the seasons.
How do I feel about going back to school?
I am happy to go back to see how this year unfolds. Junior year was my favorite year of high school, maybe it will be my favorite year of college too. I want to see myself build stronger relationships and just take it all in while I can. On the other hand, I don't want to go back and come to the harsh realization that I probably have only one or two summers left. Then I will forced into a world where summer really doesn't exist as it used to. Although last night I had an epiphany, drink more free alcohol to offset the cost of college. This is a great plan since I have decided that a traditional textbook education is completely useless.
What is your biggest fear?
Other than life in general and a snake strangling me? That I'll meet someone that I can't live without. It's like having a cheeseburger. You never go back to just hamburgers, it's not the same. I think I just compared love to food, it's something that I often do. But I am not even talking about love technically. I am not in love with this person, I just love who they are. All the time when I meet new people I hide 45% of myself from them, I don't think most would accept me if they knew who I really am or can be. But with this person, I knew it was okay to let go within the first handshake. Possibly the most influential person in my life right now, after bill clinton of course.
Goals for this year?
Not really any. I think I want to see mount rushmore and maybe hike half dome. I don't really need anything exciting, I remember the boring days the most.
It feels really good to just talk to myself like this. I think I should switch to paper though. Maybe a moleskin notebook.
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[31 Dec 2008|01:32pm] |
i should post, just because.
another semester that i scraped on by, and it feels awesome. for some reason upper division classes seem to be much easier or allow for more slackage. strange. although this semester is the closest i've ever been to actually failing a class. and what i realized is, it is completely unacceptable to fail because that involves actually not trying and there's no excuse to not try.
anyways i was reading U.S. News Report today, and it cost almost $2,000 dollars more to go to Berkeley, and most other UC's than UCLA. that is extremely disgruntling as i see my college education so far at least, completely useless. especially with the battles i had this semester with certain GSI's/Professors. i go to class, i do minimal work, i pass, and by winter break i know nothing again. berkeley has unexpectedly turned me into a stereotypical college student, it's kind of bittersweet. but i embrace everything so whatever. only 2.5 more years of freedom. i actually consider going to school freedom contrary to popular belief. if you think getting a 9-5 job is freedom, so be it.
i know what i want to be, but just how to do i get there? i want to work for kashi and cliff bar, and travel the world and make cardboard like food bars. it's so specific, it's ridiculous.
i think i want to actually join a brigada this semester/summer. but i heard they were going to bolivia or columbia. sounds like no hot people there. i mean well, i just have terrible side intentions. but what is holding me back from helping people? i don't even have enough money to help me help you. it seems to be a constant never ending battle in this life. how sad.
here's to another a new year, another semester, and more to look forward to.
oh and my new years resolution this year is easy: go to more shows, have more fun, learn how to make curry and naan. that's it.
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[01 Aug 2008|01:32am] |
there is this pulsation in my ear, and it sounds like a plunger in the toilet, pumping up and down. what the heck is going on?
( vacation!!!mode. )
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[30 May 2008|06:57pm] |
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wow my grades absolutely suck, but at least i like school now and that's what's important, right?
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[10 May 2008|12:06pm] |
since it's finals week soon, i'll be updating frequently since i love to procrastinate.
this is the part of school that makes me hate school, other than that, i love school.
i can't wait to be home, the real home, even though i call my apartment home now.
everything is working itself out. life is great...
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| I... |
[15 Mar 2008|10:11am] |
1. can't wait for spring break
2. am really confused
3. hate competition
4. don't hate school, but i don't like it
5. just wanna be me
( fresh came down from his tree )
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[26 Feb 2008|10:08pm] |
i hate math
because i don't try hard enough
i am lazy
because i eat too much
i have 3 midterms in one week
because berkeley is gay
i am disappointed
because i am too optimistic
i hate when people let me down
because i have too much faith
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[23 Feb 2008|12:00am] |
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work today was unbearable. i had to do inventory for 5.5 hours for about 945203509 pieces of asphalt slabs. i am so sore right now i can't even move or think. but at least i get to eat all the donuts i want right? guhh it is only a matter of time before i quite. the only thing that is holding me back is that i really enjoy the money and the ride going there and back. it is really relaxing. anyways 1 midterm down 3 to go. spring break needs to come asap. i need to get my tan on, pasty is not hot.
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[17 Feb 2008|10:08am] |
1. i've been completely clean for almost 2 months now, and i like myself so much better. not only am i less tired, i go through phases of mania and depression less. so i'm done because it didn't really get me anywhere, it was fun but completely fleeting. i like being boring, aka myself, it is so much easier. i like my methodic weeks.
2. i have been suffering from insomnia for about 2 weeks now. it's really annoying. i'll wake up at 3 in the morning and lay there trying to get back to sleep for about 45 minutes and then i'll wake up at 6 again and try to get back to sleep. by then i just give up and lay there. what the heck is keeping me up?
3. my boss at work hates me. i am too sarcastic, but i can't help it. that's the only humor i have.
4. home is where the heart is, i miss it.
5. i am watching a documentary on ( buffaloes. )
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[13 Feb 2008|10:19pm] |
work is so mentally draining and exhausting that school actually seems fun now. how strange. anyways i really liked environmental science today because our guest speaker was such a cool cat. He is black, plays the banjo, and hasn't talked or rode in a car for 17 years. His name was john francis. He has a phd and smokes weed. today was one of those days that made paying ten grand a year to go here worth it. i wish i was that awesome. i wish i had something to stand up against. i love environmental science, people are so much more chill.
anyways get ready for S.A.D. tomorrow. This city is filled with lonely hearts and broken parts.
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[07 Feb 2008|08:50am] |
i work with assssssssssssphalt. pretty much sums up my life right now.
so i wrote myself a check for one million dollars, one day i'll be able to cash it.
( Read more... )
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| i live on $2 a day. beat that africa. |
[31 Jan 2008|08:04pm] |
it seems as though everytime i complain about the rain in the form of a post the next day it is sunny. so i am complaining because i feel as though i have some powerful control over the world. anyways today sucked i hate thursdays, they are so long. additionally, althought i like environmental design i have no idea what this class is about and clearly did not know what i was getting into. i have to make a dress that is representative of a building. who do they think i am? austin scarlett? and we have to model it for out final runway style. fuck.
this has been the longest 2 weeks of my life. i hate friday class, grr.
( i'm bored and i hate rain for the 9430923495 time )
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[29 Jan 2008|10:37pm] |
fate you teased me! and i hate you for it.
on another note: norcal weather suckass. i clearly did not know what i was getting into when i decided to
dive into 4 years of complete misery from january to april.
also i need to get my hands of a phonebook so i can pick out a multicultural best friend like rob and big.
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[25 Jan 2008|04:20pm] |
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it's fate.
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[22 Jan 2008|10:38pm] |
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gahhh computer science is so fucking hard. the three hours i spent today in the lab was the most excruciating three hours of my life. i feel like an idiot asking the guy next to me how to work scheme, unix, and emac every 2 seconds. and it was freezing in there so i couldn't type because my hands were shaking the whole time! but that wasn't even the embarrassing part. in the beginning of class we had to line up according to how hard you think the class would be and i was right by the door and the only person who thought the class would be harder than me was a freaking stephen hawking parapalegic, however you spell it. and i had to introduce myself to him, i think he said his name was micheal and when i shook his hand i think i broke some bones. he was so frail. and i had to ask him what his favorite farm animal was and i couldn't understand what he was mumbling because the drool coming out of his mouth. and his aid laughed at my discomfort. so i told him he liked roosters and told the class that he liked roosters. gawd it was so uncomfortable. anyways i dropped it!
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[10 Jan 2008|09:46pm] |
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do you know - enrique |
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came home tonight in a pretty decent mood and then i saw that my report card came in the mail. my mood quickly plummeted to plain bitter disappointment. didn't even get a 3.0. which in comparison to my class is just embarassing. i can't get into business school now, but i guess it's for the best since i caught a glimpse of my future today and it seemed really boring and depressing. i guess i'll just live bicariously through rob and big.
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[06 Jan 2008|11:49pm] |
i wish i was here right now, and not HERE where it is cold, wet, and dreary. so depresssing.
i don't like watching tv or living a virtual life via wii all day. i want to be outside. doing real outside things!
berkeley better not be like this when i get back.
just one day of sun pleeeease!
( never try detox regiments, they are painful, and gross. )
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gymnophobe's journal